“Don’t Hope…DECIDE”

While waiting to pick up a friend at the airport in Portland, Oregon, I had one of those life-changing experiences that you hear other people talk about — the kind that sneaks up on you unexpectedly. This one occurred a mere two feet away from me.

Straining to locate my friend among the passengers deplaning through the jet way, I noticed a man coming toward me carrying two light bags. He stopped right next to me to greet his family.

First he motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They gave each other a long, loving hug. As they separated enough to look in each other’s face, I heard the father say, “It’s so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!” His son smiled somewhat shyly, averted his eyes and replied softly, “Me, too, Dad!”

Then the man stood up, gazed in the eyes of his oldest son (maybe nine or ten) and while cupping his son’s face in his hands said, “You’re already quite the young man. I love you very much, Zach!” They too hugged a most loving, tender hug.

While this was happening, a baby girl (perhaps one or one-and-a-half) was squirming excitedly in her mother’s arms, never once taking her little eyes off the wonderful sight of her returning father. The man said, “Hi, baby girl!” as he gently took the child from her mother. He quickly kissed her face all over and then held her close to his chest while rocking her from side to side. The little girl instantly relaxed and simply laid her head on his shoulder, motionless in pure contentment.

After several moments, he handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, “I’ve saved the best for last!” and proceeded to give his wife the longest, most passionate kiss I ever remember seeing. He gazed into her eyes for several seconds and then silently mouthed. “I love you so much!” They stared at each other’s eyes, beaming big smiles at one another, while holding both hands.

For an instant they reminded me of newlyweds, but I knew by the age of their kids that they couldn’t possibly be. I puzzled about it for a moment then realized how totally engrossed I was in the wonderful display of unconditional love not more than an arm’s length away from me. I suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if I was invading something sacred, but was amazed to hear my own voice nervously ask, “Wow! How long have you two been married?

“Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those.” he replied, without breaking his gaze from his lovely wife’s face. “Well then, how long have you been away?” I asked. The man finally turned and looked at me, still beaming his joyous smile. “Two whole days!”

Two days? I was stunned. By the intensity of the greeting, I had assumed he’d been gone for at least several weeks – if not months. I know my expression betrayed me.

I said almost offhandedly, hoping to end my intrusion with some semblance of grace (and to get back to searching for my friend), “I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!”

The man suddenly stopped smiling.

He looked me straight in the eye, and with forcefulness that burned right into my soul, he told me something that left me a different person. He told me, “Don’t hope, friend… decide!” Then he flashed me his wonderful smile again, shook my hand and said, “God bless!”

- By Michael D. Hargrove and Bottom Line Underwriters, Inc.
Copyright 1997

Juggling Balls

Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – work, family, health, friends and spirit and you’re keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – family, health, friends and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life. How?

  • Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.
  • Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.
  • Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.
  • Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.
  • Don’t give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
  • Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us each together.
  • Don’t be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
  • Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
  • Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only where you’ve been, but also where you are going.
  • Don’t forget that a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
  • Don’t be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.
  • Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.

- Coca Cola CEO Brian Dyson

It Takes A Village

January 26, 2012 under Living Outside The Box, Relationships

THE SHAUN SAYS THIS…

Where do you base the values you teach your children from? Is it church, your family, your life experiences or bit off all of them?

I have an interesting question. How much do you value the child-bearing advice from one that you are dating? Not their other parent, but someone you are dating after you’ve broken up with them. Do you value that advice more or less if they have kids themselves? What if they don’t live with their kids… does that negate their advice all together? This may be an unsual topic but its one I think we need to think about.

I have dated women who obviously raise their children in different ways. I once dated a woman whose son was deeply influenced by his father who he lived with. This young man in my opinion was not very respectful towards his mother. Nothing over the top like using foul langauge or tantrums but little things.

This young man called his mother by his first name with his something I disagree with. The words “Mother”, “Mama” or “Mommy” are just other words for Queen; its carries great respect just has I feel the same for the word Daddy. Which may explain the emotion in my blog awhile back about Jasmine.

This young man would crack cruel jokes on his mother. “You’re pathetic!” or “You’re not very pretty. She’s prettier than you” His laughter afterwards signified that he considered this a joke. I again take this as a form as disrespect towards a parent. Mimi has said a I have a “Big Applehead” but the words “You’re pathetic” will never come out of her mouth.

At this point, I’d like to state that there are many details I am leaving out on purpose in order ensure the privacy of those involved so I’d like you all not to comment on your opinion on the young man’s behavior has you would not know the whole story.

Going on, I attempted to talk to her about this more from the angle of being her friend and not a man she is dating and was met with attitude. “You’re not a mother. You would understand” or “Raising boys is different”

So I ask my web family to expound on this subject a bit. What say you on this subject?!

A Quick Lesson on The Difference Between Respect Vs. Authority

The Shaun’s employees often invite to to join them for drinks after work. The Shaun has to admit he hesitated for quite some time for various reasons mostly having to do with the temptation relating to his previous blog. However after awhile, he decided to throw caution to the wind and surprise his associates at a local bar after work one night. The Shaun engaged in many discussions ranging many different topics. One that has suck in The Shaun’s mind was a discussion on how employees work with different supervisors and managers. The Shaun is going to share some of the thoughts he expressed during this conversation, specifically his thoughts on why employees will do more for bosses they respect versus those who have authority over them.

At first glance, this comparison may not mean very much yet The Shaun is hoping to change that perspective and start some conversation on the subject. He hopes to express with this blog the importance of establishing RESPECT in the relationships we have on a daily basis and remove the stress that is put on the AUTHORITY one may have over another. The basic difference between RESPECT and AUTHORITY is quite simply the difference between doing something for someone because you want to versus doing it because you feel you have to.

As it relates to relationships we have, people tend to work better with people they have respect for. Indeed people who have authority over others will get results for those people but they can not compare to the results from those who respect them. This doesn’t just apply to those you work with but to do those you live with and share your life with.

Think of someone you have respect for, you’d off a bridge for them because you know they’ll appreciate it. You also feel good doing someone for them because you know they’re asking you to do it because they need you to not because they just don’t feel like doing it.

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The “Superhead” Effect on Society

THE SHAUN SAYS THIS…

It all began with this book. What began you say? The Shaun truly believes that the hype and the fame for Karrine Steffans that came from the book, Confessions Of A Video Vixen, created a phenomenon which The Shaun is calling “The Empowement of The Jump-Off”. The “success” generated from this book has open the door to the notion that it pays to be a jump-off. With this notion in place, the jump-off as we know has become quite the monster destroying everything in its wake.

While The Shaun will never condone the deception involved when engaging in jump-off activity. The Shaun is only pointing out the surprising rise in confidence of the jump-off and almost predatory approach the jump-off now takes in their approach. The jump-off formerly was one who would spend their lives in the background with their months silent years after any discretion had taken place. If there was any desire for finanicialgain, they would usually go striaght to the source so such a thing. In extreme cases where the jump-off felt disrespected or severely deceived by their lover, they would inform their lover’s spouse and/or family of their relationship. Wow, how one book changes things. The first thing you will notice is The Shaun omission of gender in his description and discussion of the jump-off. This omission is done purposely as today’s jump-off has no gender or sexuality.

In the cases of Tiger Woods, Jesse James, John Edwards, Reggie Bush and many others, the jump-off achieves instant celebrity status which can turn into millions of dollars and countless publicity. While even for a short time, to a certain person, even brief fame is a lifelong dream and, in a world in its current economic state, can even mean a considerable source of income to some who are more desperate.  Jump-offs now get magazine covers and nationally televised interviews. 10 years ago, you probably would not even know the person’s name.

10 years ago, would you ever imagine a jump-off posting a tour of their lovers house on youtube or posting pics of them lying on their lover’s bed? Did the jump-off ever really get really press before this book? They now are getting book deals and national televised interviews on a daily basis. Jump-offs have just as many paparazzi following them as A-lists movie stars if not more so.

Some may credit Monica Lewinsky for opening the door for the jump-off yet think that Monica never achieve celebrity nor much financial gain from her relationship with Clinton nor did she actively persue it. Monica was the butt of jokes and reticule for some time. Monica was shamed by the public media and did everything she could for the most part to keep out of the public eye. Today’s jump-off tapes theirselves as they go into detail on their latest conquest and posts it on their newly created website. Since when did jump-offs get websites?

Now The Shaun would in some cases question the intelligence of the jump-off and their desire for a quick payday as it would more than likely be more profitable to just get paid by the lover for years after for keeping their mouth shut. Remember the woman who was discovered to have been a Michael Jordan’s jump-off for years but kept her mouth shut and got pay millions in the process.Yet in the same notion, the jump-off is increasingly become more aware as they are saving texts, emails and even pics that they use to expose their discretion. They hang out in clubs and parties seeking any chance they get to get “paid”. The Shaun is not blind to the fact there are still jump-offs who are deceived by their lovers into thinking there is a genuine emotional connection.

Is the jump-off using proper etiquette in this increasingly more forward and predatory approach? Whose to say? Could it be just an evolution of the species based on the increase popularity of celebrity tabloid gossip? As TMZ  and other gossip blogs becomes an increasingly “credible” news source for these stories, the line between news and gossip is evaporating fast.

Again The Shaun is not condoning any such behavior that breaks up a home whether it be a affair or one-night stand, yet The Shaun does question the jump-offs predatory approach to those who are single just to expose details of their experiences for profit. Now The Shaun is sure to hear those who will say this is payback for the years of deception aka “hit and quit it” or wham-bam thank you ma’am” occurrences that occur.  The Shaun can only say in response, “One person’s sin should never be another person’s punishment“.

The Shaun almost would say that each jump-off that gets paid these days should have to cut Ms. Steffans a check for a percentage of any earnings gained from their activities in lue of her “success”.

How will the jump-off evolve from here?

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